


Permanent Wounds

by GeekyGamerGirl06 (PersonaShipper123), PersonaShipper123



Category: Persona 5
Genre: Angst, Anxiety Attacks, Blood, Eventual Fluff, Flowers, Hanahaki Disease, I need to stop..., I'll just use this and Painful Love as notes!, M/M, Okay I'm sorry I keep posting!, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Possible Happy Endings, Sad, Vomiting, but- oh just read to find out!, in which when Akira gets surgery, ya know to forget his lover
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-03
Updated: 2018-05-10
Packaged: 2019-05-01 01:18:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,067
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14509350
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PersonaShipper123/pseuds/GeekyGamerGirl06, https://archiveofourown.org/users/PersonaShipper123/pseuds/PersonaShipper123
Summary: Ryuji could feel the horror and anxiety being spread around the room as he watched his best friend hyperventilate while he stared at everyone, mainly Ryuji."What's wrong, Akira-kun?" Haru asked, startled by the sudden fear from their leader. Akira began shaking his head furiously and then began clenching it, tears beginning to stream down his cheeks."Th-this wasn't supposed to happen! It was supposed to work!" the beeping from the heart monitor sped up quickly as Akira began curling himself into a tight ball. Ryuji immediately ran to the side of the hospital bed."Akira-""Get away from me!" Akira screamed as the doors burst open, revealing doctors and nurses.





	1. Hospital Visit Gone Wrong

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! So.................................................. yeah. I posted more trash, but I really wanted to okay! I wanted to do this fic for a really long time and I finally did it, also this is my first hanahaki disease fic so I dunno if this is gonna be good or not, *cough* it's totally gonna be bad *cough*.  
> Also, the chapters on the fic I'm working on are gonna be posted within the next few weeks, I SWEAR!!!  
> I totally forgot if I said this already, but I'm repeating it just in case, I'm only gonna be focussing on 1-3 fics on each pseud, but I still dunno if I'm actually gonna go that each pseud thing... Pls let me know, im going insane.
> 
> Anyways, on with the chapter!

_Something doesn't feel right,_ Ryuji thought. He walked farther down the hall with his eyebrows furrowed in confusion and frustration. Something felt different, but what?

Ryuji was stopped by a hand turning him around. Ann stood in front of him with a concerned look on her face. "Do you know if Akira's here today?"

That's it. Akira's not here. Wait, Akira's not here?

"Wait, what? He's not here?" Ryuji asked, panicky. Makoto and Haru soon were behind Ann, both sharing the same worried expression.

"He wasn't at the station when I arrived. I figured he was running late," Makoto stated as she brushed her bangs away from her eyes. "I asked Haru and Ann, but they said they haven't seen him either, so, we figured maybe you've seen him?"

Ryuji rubbed the back of his neck. "Nah, I haven't seen him at all actually. He did say he wasn't feelin' that alright..."

"Huh? What do you mean, like, he was sick?" Ann asked in worry. Before anyone could answer, or reassure by making up a lie, everyone's phones chimed. They opened up the group chat and found a worrisome message.

 **Akira:** At hospital now. Going to get surgery. See you in a few hours. 

 **Akira:** Morgana will explain everything.

Ryuji stared at the screen wide-eyed. The group wasted no time talking and they  sprinted down the stairs, past the other students, and then exited the school.

* * *

"Akira Kurusu?" the nurse called out. Akira stood up from his seat and walked to a woman in nurse scrubs. "Are you ready for surgery?"

Akira sighed and nodded in solemn. "As ready as I'll ever be, I guess..." 

She gave a small smile as she turned around, motioning for Akira to follow. "Alright, so, since Dr. Cho is currently dealing with another patient, you'll sadly have to be forced to sit in the room since we don't want to accidently give it away. So, here, as you could see," the nurse gestured to an empty hospital room, "this is your room and my coworker is going to do a quick checkup. Just to make sure,"

Akira slowly nodded as he stepped into the room with his hands in his pockets. He sat on the bed as he pulled his hand out of his jean pockets and crossed them. The nurse already left and Akira was already regretting this decision. 

Did he really want to risk this? Did he want to lose his ability to love, more importantly,  did he want to lose the memories of his best friend? He loves Ryuji, yes, but there was no way he could ever admit that...not out loud at least and not to his face.

But he also has another reason: Ryuji would never be able to feel the same way. Akira can't risk dying, especially when he and his team are  _this_ _close_ to finding the culprit of the mental shutdowns. Sure, the team would be able to go on without him, he's not that much of a liability, and they could find a new leader. But he just can't die. He needs to show that he and many others out there aren't just some toys that could be thrown around and manipulated, he needs to bring justice to those who have been corrupted, he needs to save those who have fallen a victim to the corrupted adults out there.

And no way he can do that if he's dead.

So, he has to do this.

Even if it means that he'll lose a few memories along the way...

* * *

"Are you effing kidding me?!" Ryuji exclaimed. Morgana didn't say anything, he technically didn't have a right to. And he definitely didn't have a right to judge Ryuji for that reaction. He would've had the same reaction if he had just found out his leader had hanahaki for a few months. "He kept this secret the entire freaking time?!"

"Why did he do this? Does he not trust us?" Makoto asked aloud as she kept her head down in solemn. Ann tried reassuring her by making up any lie or excuse that sounded reasonable.

Ryuji clenched his head as his eyes remained wide. How did he not know? How did this slip by him? How could he let this happen? He could've done  _something_ , anything! Maybe if he asked sooner or even asked if Akira was alright.  _Some friend you are!_

"Are you the ones that are visiting Akira Kurusu?"

Ryuji lifted his head up and immediately stood from his seat. There was a nurse with her dark hair tied up in a bun. Before anyone could say anything, Futaba, Yusuke, and Sojiro were walking to the group. Futaba had a few tear stains under her eyes and she looked extremely worried. The nurse turned to look at the three. "I assume you're here for Kurusu as well?"

"Yes, I'm his guardian and these are his friends," Sojiro said. The nurse nodded as she wrote something down on her clipboard. 

"Well, he just got out of surgery and is currently receiving a checkup just in case we missed anything," she said as she gestured to the hall which contained about ten rooms. "But, since he is rather eager to see you all, I will let you see him and because Dr. Cho should be done by now."

Ryuji quickly followed the woman with his anxiety reaching its maximum. He saw a doctor walk past them and he assumed that was Dr. Cho. The nurse motioned for them to go in and she left soon after they entered.

Ryuji had never thought he would ever see Akira in the hospital. He looked pale. Had he always been this pale and skinny? When did he have those dark circles under his eyes? Futaba immediately ran to him and practically suffocated him with her hugs. 

Akira yelped as the female wrapped her arms around the his neck. "Ohmygoshohmygosh! Joker, you scared the hell out of me! I'm so happy you're alive!"

Akira hugged her back and apologized that he worried her. Akira looked worried after Futaba let go, allowing the other girls to hug and apologize to him. Sojiro even apologized. Ryuji walked near the bed and Akira finally noticed him. "Glad you're alright, bud!"

Akira's eyes widened as he stared at the faux blonde. "I-I.... You're...!"

Ryuji could feel the horror and anxiety being spread around the room as he watched his best friend hyperventilate while he stared at everyone, mainly Ryuji.

"What's wrong, Akira-kun?" Haru asked, startled by the sudden fear from their leader. Akira began shaking his head furiously and then began clenching it, tears beginning to stream down his cheeks.

"Th-this wasn't supposed to happen! It was supposed to work!" the beeping from the heart monitor sped up quickly as Akira began curling himself into a tight ball. Ryuji immediately ran to the side of the hospital bed.

"Akira-"

"Get away from me!" Akira screamed as the doors burst open, revealing doctors and nurses. Ryuji felt his heart hammer against his chest as he and the others were pushed out of the room.

The nurse with the dark hair told them to wait here and she walked into the room which contained a unstable Akira.

* * *

"It was supposed to work! It was supposed to work!" 

"Kurusu, calm yourself!"

Akira struggled against the doctors who were holding him down. Akira kept repeating what he said. He received the surgery, they told him it was a success, so why did he still remember and love Ryuji?! Tears streamed down Akira's face as his hearing faltered and his throat becoming filled up with petals. He pushed one of the doctors out of the way and leaned over the bedside, vomiting orange rose petals with blood splatters staining the soft petals. The doctors froze in shock and confusion. Akira coughed up more petals feeling a harsh coughing fit coming on. The petals flew against the walls and under the bed as Akira regurgitated more and more of those damn flowers.

"Quickly, get an x-ray and a broom!" 

"And a bucket..."

Akira could hear the nurses run out to grab the supplies that were asked. He coughed one more time and then gasped for air. He was breathing rapidly as the heart monitor slowed down. Akira stared at the large pile with wide eyes.

The surgery really did fail...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Orange Rose: desire and enthusiasm
> 
> I thought it would fit this well mainly because Ryuji is really enthusiastic and Akira has desire for his love, so I thought that this flower would've been suitable. :3


	2. His Everything

Akira watched the doctors and nurses clean up the petals he vomited with a blank face. Dr. Cho had been trying to make him at least look at him.

"Kurusu, I need you to look at me," he would say. Akira wouldn't even respond with a simple blink. When the doctor was about to give up, Akira lifted his head with tear stains on his pale cheeks.

"Why didn't it work...?" he asked with slight remorse in his voice. How could he not feel remorse? He risked losing his memories of his most favored friend... the one who stuck by him when he was pegged as a criminal, the one who made him feel happy, the one he would do anything for... and for what? "The surgery was supposed to work, I was supposed to lose my feelings and memories for that person, I was supposed to be free from this living hell, why the fuck didn't it work?!"

"Calm down-"

"-Calm down? How the hell am I supposed to calm down?! The hanahaki was supposed to leave if I got the damn surgery! How am I supposed to say calm when it didn't-?!" Akira covered his mouth and began to have another coughing fit. He screwed his eyes shut while tears swelled up in the corners of his tired eyes.

He felt a bucket being put in front of him and he quickly uncovered his mouth and duck his head into the bucket and coughed up the bloody flowers, which were mixed in with a partially whole flower head. Akira spit out another orange flower petal until he wiped his bloody mouth with the back of his hand as his eyes opened, forcing him to see the flower petals that filled the entire bucket. 

"I'm dying... and you expect me to be calm..." Akira murmurs as he fixed his gaze on the doctor and the nurse that stood beside him. "I am well aware that I'm going to die from the most purest thing in the damn world... and you have no right to tell me to be calm...!"

Akira glared at Dr. Cho, forcing chills to go down his spine. The doctor sighed. "I... understand. Would you like to see-"

"No,"

"But-"

"Last time I checked, it was the patient's decision whether or not he or she wanted visitors," the male narrowed his murderous eyes, "and this patient's decision is a _no._ "

Dr. Cho hesitantly nodded and left the room along with the nurse. 

* * *

 

"This isn't good," Dr. Cho said as soon as the door closed. "If he doesn't help himself by allowing visitors, he might die. Especially if one of his friends are the cause of his suffering..."

The nurse nodded slowly. "I know. I'll try to persuade him later this evening," she sighed, "Shall we inform his friends and guardian?"

Dr. Cho nodded.

-

Ryuji sat on the chair impatiently for the doctors to say  _something._ He wanted to know how Akira was and why he acted that way, he wanted to know why he had hanahaki in the first place, he wanted to know why he risked the odds of the surgery, he wanted to know who caused him to suffer. 

He immediately stood up when he saw that doctor and nurse approaching them. "What happened?" 

Dr. Cho sighed sadly. "Kurusu is... having a few moments to recollect himself, but is not accepting visitors..."

Ryuji's eyebrows knitted together in anger. Why wasn't he allowing visitors? "Why? What happened!"

"The surgery didn't work- we don't know why, but it wasn't successful." the nurse said. 

Ryuji's eyes widened. His best friend... his most dearest friend, paid for surgery and it wasn't a success... His best friend is going to die if he doesn't confess soon, but if he won't allow visitors, he can't confess. 

There has to be something he can do...  _anything!_

He won't let his friend suffer, he just can't! He has to do something. Anything that might save his best friend.

His everything.

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! I hope you enjoyed! I wish you all a great day!


End file.
